I’m a 38 year old wife and mother living in the Bible belt. The reason I’m beginning this blog?
It is not to try to convince readers that I am right. It is not to try to sway believers away from their faith. It is not even about me getting support. It is just a way I hope to vent, to talk, to express what I’m going through because I have NO ONE around me to whom I can share these deep struggles and changes.
My deconversion began just a few months ago, in July of 2013. There was a long path leading up to this point which I will write about little by little. I am new at this, unsure, excited, and scared. I am in the closet and, really, see no way of ever leaving it. There is a big movement for atheists to come out, and plenty of bloggers who share their experience or ask how to do it. But most that I have seen are young adults or teens, many who have semi-religious parents who end up understanding.
My situation? I’ve been happily married fifteen years to a wonderful man who is a strong believer in a fundamental Christian church. He married me, at that point a girl on fire for Jesus, who wanted to share the gospel and make great changes for the Kingdom of God. He married me, with dreams of years together praying over our children, raising them in the faith, and I’m sure taking comfort in our old age sharing the assurance that we would be together in heaven.
We have three wonderful boys ages thirteen, twelve, and eight. They have grown up in the faith, with memories of their mom singing hymns by their bedside. I currently teach my sixth grader’s Sunday school class…but that’s going to take a different post entirely.
My neighbors are Christians, all the contacts in my phone are Christians, and all the families I know from my boys’ charter school are Christians. My best friends are Spirit-filled Pentecostals, my brother is a youth pastor in California, and my parents are strong believers who, if they knew the path I am taking, would be crushed. Really, I think I’ll just try to get comfy in this little closet of mine, because to come out would mean disaster for my parents, my marriage, and my kids.
So, that is who I am and a little about where I am. My journey? Well, that will start in the next post.